Their Daddy's Mouth (Volume 2)


In efforts to compliment
the other post I had wrote earlier
about the *amazing* things
 that have come out 
of my husband's mouth
during my (our?) pregnancy,
I felt it would be a shame 
 not to immortalize 
the conversation that transpired
on our first visit to the labor ward
a few weeks back 
when I was getting all "Sybill"
with some nasty pre-eclampsia.




________________

SCENE OPENS:

Tyler & Lauren sit in chairs
in the assessment room of the hospital's "labour ward"
where women first go
upon their arrival to the labor ward.

Doctors & midwives working in this room
determine if you can be treated there,
if you are in false labor,
or, if you are indeed in actual labor-
which then upgrades you into a private room 
where you will have your baby.

In fact,
I took this picture of part of it
while having my blood pressure checked yesterday:




The assessment room is a fairly large room
with lots of curtains creating small areas for evaluation...

and close proximity offering a pretty low level of privacy.




As we sit there and wait,
a woman tucked back somewhere amidst the abyss of curtains
is having some really, really strong contractions
and offering the rest of the room
a soundtrack to compliment the condition.

She's puffing, she's panting, she's even getting pretty moan-y.

{Basically, it sounds like she is in the process of having a baby.}

Tyler, who has been immersed in emails on his phone, suddenly looks up at me and whispers:

"Do you hear that lady?"

Which one? The contractions lady? Yeah. 

"I mean, she sounds terrible. It sounds like she's in a lot of pain."

Yeah, babe. 
This is a labor ward.

"But that's kind of an exaggeration, right?"

An exaggeration? What do you mean?

"I mean, it's not really that bad, right?"

I'm sorry?
Do you not understand the physics of this process?
Yes, it's that bad. It's terrible.

"Well, obviously...
but I didn't realize it hurt that bad.

I just thought it was basically like a tough work out...
you know, it doesn't feel great,
 but you power through.

But that... that sounds way worse."

Okay, is this a real conversation?
Are you serious right now?

Right before his eyes explode, 
he apologetically glances at my stomach
and whispers,
"What have I done to you?"



____________________



I still laugh when we bring this up...
I mean, honestly,
a work out?




*all images original to Aspiring Kennedy via instagram. Username: aspiringkennedy

52 comments:

  1. Please write a book, I mean you already have the perfect title. "What have I done to you!" Oh and we do it again....we forget the pain for the joy of the little miracles who are born into our lives to love.
    As the saying goes, 'no pain no gain."
    pve

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  2. Hahaha

    Have you seen that video of the 2 Dutch men who get hooked up to machines that simulate labour contractions so that they can experience it? It's quite funny. Perhaps you should sign Tyler up for it ;)

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  3. I do not really like using the term 'lol' but I actually laughed out loud reading your post. Poor Tyler. But that was hilarious. Bless him. Husbands are awesome are they not?

    xx
    Bonnie Rose
    The Compass Rose

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  4. Oh and I really like that curtain shot, very artsy!

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  5. this made my day :) You guys are the cutest couple of all time.
    - Time Stand Still

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  6. This was extra funny to me, as I read this in my hospital room after delivering yesterday. Thanks for sharing your husband's humor!

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  7. That is utterly hilarious, oh boy do men have it easy in the early stage.

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  8. hahahaha, I wish I was not sitting in a Starbucks sipping on my cup of tea... If I wash't in a public place I would have laughed out loud on the workout one.

    Epic!
    Wonderful!
    Svenja
    xx

    Happybluebird

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  9. Hilarious! He will never be the same after he witnesses this "miracle."

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  10. Amazing!!! I love that you're documenting these hilarious comments.

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  11. Um, this was too funny. I read it twice. At least he knows now and not when it's you in labor!

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  12. This is too funny! I love the last line "What have I done to you" haha! I think he just got it :)

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  13. So when I had my son in London I went 14 days past my due date and had to be induced, and they had me in a ward with 3 other women, and made my husband go home, since it was overnight. They didn't expect me to go into labor as quickly as I did, and didn't have the room to move me to the delivery floor. I was alone, in labor, in a room with 3 other women who were only there to be monitored, separated by only curtains. Needless to say I was not quiet, and in the morning one of the midwives came in and asked one of the women how her night was and her reply was not very favorable towards me. As they wheeled me out I was in tears, and looked at her in the middle of a contraction and apologized, and her eyes got really wide with fear and I think she realized that would be her soon enough. I felt so bad.

    Ah, you have to love the NHS and their wards. Privacy? Who needs it!

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  14. Oh my goodness, how funny! And sweet. It's so funny to see the men freak out when they aren't even the ones having to do anything.

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  15. Tyler is hilarious. When your scrapbook the girl's book, this post should be in there.

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  16. Obviously Tyler needs to watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=A44oEcmDn1c where the men get to experience labor. Too funny! Seriously, a tough workout you power through, if only.

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  17. Hahahahahah! Boys. They have no clue!

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  18. Oh my goodness, this definitely made my morning. I needed to read something funny today, thanks for sharing :) xoxo

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  19. hahahha this is so hilarious! Boys just don't get it.. :)

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  20. bwahaha he is hilarious. Remind him TWO round heads will be emerging from a very small space, which makes it doubly bad. haha.

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  21. Ok... this may be the best thing I have read for like a month. SO FUNNY! I LOVE IT! "What have I done to you?!" Oh geez. I'm glad he got it all cleared up that it is worse than a bad work out. :)

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  22. Haha, oh - if only it was like a tough workout! Too funny!

    xxx
    Jenna

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  23. Hahahaha laughter for days - this is too precious. And you are looking glow-y and beautiful as always!

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  24. Oh my god, this is hysterical. I think your husband has just answered the age old "being kicked in the privates or childbirth" question (not that I have ever experienced either, but you know) x

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  25. Oh boy - he's really in for a surprise! Very endearing : )

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  26. This is the best thing I've read all day. I am cracking up!

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  27. This is the time when you should tell him what I read last week:

    The human body can withstand 45 del (units) of pain. Childbirth is 57 del. That is the equivalent of 20 bones being fractured at once.

    Basically, he needs to be praising the daylights out of you.

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    Replies
    1. holy buckets. are you kidding me? I am just going to plug my ears and say "la-la-la" the entire time I am pregnant :)

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  28. Laughing by myself in my flat. Hilarious. I think what's even funnier is that this conversation occurred as far along in your pregnancy as it did! I loved that he never questioned the pain of delivery prior to...too funny!

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  29. this is probably disgusting but he knows what your whoo whoo feels like...how could babies not hurt in excruciating pain when they come out?

    hahhahahahahaha

    the best part is "what have i done to you?"

    soooooooooooo funny.

    gotta love men.

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  30. Oh, Tyler. He's in for a surprise, poor thing. (But I feel more sorry for you!)

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  31. Oh, Tyler. TYLER, TYLER, TYLER. :) In his defense, he is not conditioned by the women in his life to know how bad labor is. I love your stories so much, and I seriously can NOT wait until these little ones make their appearance. PLEASE STAY HEALTHY, THOUGH. I do not want pre-eclampsia near you ANYMORE. 'Kay?

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  32. bahahahaha oh my gosh, really? I'm cracking up over this!! Like a hard workout!? Oh boy, poor man is in for something bad here real soon. hahaha

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  33. Did he never take "health" class in high school?? At least he feels bad about it now! :P I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible!

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  34. Oh my goodness. Tyler is too funny. Once again, I am so glad I will have this story to remember when some great -isms come out of my own hubby's mouth when that time comes. I imagine there will be plenty to report.

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  35. BAHAHAHAHAHA....wait, I'm not done...BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Tyler. He is in for a rude awakening. Yes, it does not matter how mighty and strong you are, it still really, really hurts. When I hear women say they are going to go without an epidural I'm all like "you know you don't get a trophy at the end without meds, right?"
    In all seriousness though, you do forget and it's just amazing and fabulous. And your body totally knows what to do. I'm kind of jealous! I really loved the whole delivery thing...pain and all. Ok, not really the pain, but the knowing that that pain means a baby (babies!!!) are coming soon.
    Are your babies heads down? I'm all freaked out about you and your preeclampsia. Take care of yourself. Can't believe those girls are almost here...and FINALLY we will know their names!!!!

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  36. a work out...that is hilarious. glad he said that before you went into labour and he was like "it's just like a work out, keep focussed" hahaha

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  37. this is the most hilarious story!

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  38. hahahahah oh my gosh i probably would have literally slapped him.... like a tough workout??!!! hahahah i'm dying.

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  39. Haha, so funny! Poor Tyler (and you even more so!). Did he not have the joy of watching "The Miracle of Life" in health class in high school?? Pretty sure that video spells out every last detail.

    A guy friend of mine (with a sister a couple of years younger) back in high school once listened in as a few of us girls whined about our periods. He interrupted, confused, and said "Hang on, it lasts HOW long? You don't just sit on the toilet and it all comes out?" Turns out he thought it was like a slightly longer, somewhat achey pee.
    And no, he does not have children (yet, that I know of!).

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  40. I'd rather be fat than go through that "workout" again! And I have an only child...

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  41. WOW, I am dying!!! Pretty sure I just woke up the entire house with my laughter.
    I am never going to forget this post! I guarantee you when I bust out laughing at work tomorrow it will be because I am remembering this.
    What else can I say? PURE GOLD.

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  42. Hahahaha! "I just thought it was basically like a tough work out..."
    Best thing I've read all week.

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  43. When I was about 7-8 cm dilated and about ready to tear a bedpan in two, my husband turned to me and said 'I have the WORST headache'. They just don't get it do they?

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  44. Man, guys have no clue! I think now is a good time to mention a "push present", since he's grasping just how brutal having a baby can be!

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  45. Haha, that is hilarious! A couple of days back I was watching a show on TV about a labour ward and it also got pretty intense. My boyfriend also seems to believe that the pain CAN'T be thaaaaaat bad!! What?!?!?! :)

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  46. Ha -- what have I done to you! Well, at least he recognizes you'll endure it too. Unless you already have...what's the update?!?!?!!?!?!?

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  47. I remember laughing at this when you posted it, and I just re-read it during your Year in Review and it's still hilarious.

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