PARIS: Family Style

I can't believe our time in Paris

is going by so quickly.

We only have about a month left.

I'd like to say it's flown by,

because it feels like just yesterday

we were in Hawaii...

but the truth is,

we have done so much!

We've loved getting to know our little neighborhood

here in the Marais...

We've had such a great time exploring the city with my students...

and finding our own special spots

when it's just us out running errands alone.

We've had friends come and go

to make the weekends a bit sweeter...

It's been so wonderful!

We aren't finished yet...

but it's weird when you realize

you are over the halfway point

of something.

But that's where we are at now...

and so it's time to savour every thing bit longer

and be a bit more intentional with how we spend our days...

I'm so glad to take these sweet photos back with us

to help us remember this fun time of life.

Thanks, Noah, for capturing our springtime in Paris.

It's so us.

Not perfectly groomed or dressed,

but just here...

wandering around a city that we love

and enjoying the day for what it is.

Anyway, here are a few of them
to show you a quick glimpse
of our little "la vie quotidienne."

*photography by Noah Darnell

Momhghh

The title of this post
is a result of a baby crawling across my computer...

I decided to leave it as is,
in efforts of maintaining this post's theme.

*     *     *

Regardless of how easy Instagram and blogging 

may make it look

to travel, work and be a mom...

it's not always picture perfect.

It wouldn't even be possible

if Tyler wasn't working on a start-up

that gave him the flexibility to move his hours around

and work from home when needed.

In fact, can I pause for a moment to applaud the dad he is?

He takes care of Viola nearly every day before lunch

and is, 99%, the wind beneath my proverbial wings

when I have to scoot out to a museum tour or day trip

by hanging back with Viola when I need to be "on."

So, no, it's not easy.

It's take endless chatter trying to align our days

and figure out who needs to be where at what time...

and, at times, it results in one (or both) of us

jockeying for who's "turn" it is to do something...

and, at other time, it makes us want to chunk our day planners

at the other's head in frustration....

... and while we gain a lot from this life,
we also give up a lot to have it.

We don't have a lot of free time
to stay in touch with our friends & family
like we might wish.

We don't have a lot of disposable income.

We have a hard time thinking further out
than about 5 or 6 months ahead.

but do I feel lucky to get to spend my days

with the two people I love most

doing jobs that we love
and working with people we respect?

Oh, heck yeah.

It's not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination,

but I'm so thankful for this time that we have.

*photography by Noah Darnell for Aspiring Kennedy

In case this looks too easy...

People always ask me 

how we travel with a baby.

Well, we just do.

It's possible...

and it's not too painful

at this stage in our life.

In fact, it's actually pretty fun.

But don't be fooled...

it's not always easy.

No matter how serene

our pictures may seem...

well, she's still a baby.

Have a great weekend!

*images original to Aspiring Kennedy

One Lost.

Over the past year,

in moments when I've felt emotions

that I can only express through writing out

or a brief flit of unashamed honesty...

I've typed out the story of my delivery

to share on here with you.

But, to be honest, it's just a lot for a blog post...

and I feel a bit weird 

putting the most painful moment of my life

out on the internet

for anyone to stare at.

If I thought it might help someone 

in any was possible, I would...

but our situation was so tragically unique

that I don't have to worry that it might happen 

to anyone else by me not raising awareness.

If I ever see you in person

and you want to talk about it,

I'll explain it to you then...

But because when I do meet blog readers

and I realize how little I have exactly shared,

I do want to share a few things with you

that can help you understand things a bit more...

First, our daughter was not miscarried, nor was she stillborn.

We didn't find out that anything was "wrong" with her before delivery, 

and we didn't expect anything other than two healthy daughters.

She was full-term. She was born, lived, and she died when she was two days old.

To our surprise, she was Viola's identical twin sister...

and she was prettier than we could have ever imagined our chid could be. 

Today, you would know her as Evelyn...

And the combination of our two daughters

would leave us exhausted, broke, homebound...

and stuck with the feeling that we were

 the luckiest people to have ever lived.

.  .  .

I'm not sure how you're supposed to write

about the first anniversary

of your daughter's death,

but here I find myself trying to do it justice.

I'm sure there are other people who have done it

that could offer an example to me,

but you can't replicate the words of anyone else

when you find yourself in a moment like this.

So, in the name of nothing going as we had planned

and in the hope of everything ultimately working out for good,

I can only offer these words a year out:

I miss my daughter. 

I miss the year that has passed without her,

and I mourn the years ahead that will slip quietly by

without her in them.

But I cling to the hope that God's love is greater

and that this world is fleeting.

In a moment like this, I realize

that what other hope can we have?

.  .  .

I'd also like to say thank you.

Thank for you being there with us.

Not only did you buffer the awkwardness 

of sharing with the internet

that your delivery went terrible and you lost a child,

but you responded in the kindest of ways.

You poured out thoughtfulness through your words,

you eased the hurt with meals and gifts,

you connected with others behind the scenes

to relentlessly show us how much you cared.

You taught me how to love those who hurt,

and I hope to never forget it.

But most importantly,

thank you for celebrating our daughter's life

and grieving our daughter's death.

Your interest and compassion give significance to her life.

As her parents who endlessly grieve such a short end,

there's no greater gift that can be given 

than the one you have offered 

through acknowledging her life and it's value.

From the bottom of my heart,

thanks.

Here And There

Well, I was in London...

but now we're in Texas.

After a few days 

of traveling, jet-lagging, binge eating, and hustling,

we are now

unwinding, getting back to working, and detoxing...

...oh yeah, and blogging.

Nothing too fancy,

but I thought I would brighten your Tuesday

(it is Tuesday right?)

with some things

that have been snagging my attention.

. . .

I saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty last night...

Tyler & I both agreed Ben Stiller is getting better looking with age,

however, we disagreed about liking the movie.

(Him = meh. | Me = yay.)

Anyone else love it as much as me?

*

I'm giving my site a facelift 

with the help of the always fabulous, Kelly.

She just does the best site design...

I'm such a big fan.

(Look for the updated, spiffy look soon.)

*

I may be the last girl on the planet 

not to have a Kate Spade cell phone...

but I finally got one (from here)

after my long-standing $5 amazon find busted.

*

I can't believe our babymoon

was over a year ago.

Man, that trip was fun.

Enough fun for this pregnant girl

to forget she was the size of Italy

and waddle around the streets of Venice

 for hours on end

while her legs swelled to the size

of giant salamis...

What I would give 

to be back in that moment...

I think I'd freeze time and just stay there forever.

*

Baby GAP came out with a Paddington Bear collection.

Be still my beating (or was it bleeding?) wallet.

* 

Also along the

I-need-to-stop-spending-our-clothing-budget-on-baby lines:

these baby moccassins are great.

I'll blog about them more later

when I host a giveaway for Minnetonka,

but in the meantime- $20 for a pair. 

They even got a "those are ridiculously cute" from Tyler...

who, if you know Tyler, doesn't say those kinds of things

just to make me feel good about my shopping haul.

*

Also, the lady-sized pair is pretty great 

for loafing around the house in...

I already am dreaming of a rainbow of them in my closet.

*

Oh, and speaking of giveaways...

tomorrow, there's going to be one here

for one of my favorite travel bags by Ellington.

Be back later this week for your chance to win.

. . .

And now, 

me and my Costco-sized tub of JIF

are headed to the couch

with an apple, The Sound of Music

and absolutely no shame.

(Okay, fine... a little shame. Stupid detox.)

*images original to Aspiring Kennedy

Home (Sweet Home) For the Holidays.

Well guys, thanks.

Your love & support

via emails, instagram comments & facebook messages

was so encouraging over the past four days.

I'm writing this from a chair in my living room

with my cozy pajamas on (these)

after the first shower I've had in days.

My baby is sitting in an adorable shirt (this)

and playing with jingle bells

underneath our Christmas tree

that will probably stay in our home 

for the next couple of weeks to come.

Just for the sake of not sounding completely random

to anyone who hasn't been on various social media...

Saturday, I decided to take Viola to the A&E (read: ER)

since she had a nasty cough that had settled into her chest

and our doctor's wouldn't be open until Monday.

What I thought would be a couple of hours 

ended up being a four day stay at St. Mary's Hospital (this one).

moms who nebulize: i salute you. nothing worse than holding down your baby against their will.

The first day, we were pretty traumatized

to be back, in residence, at the hospital where the girls were born.

The quick downshift from happy/normal

to sudden change of plans felt a little too familiar,

and a wheezing, crying baby doesn't help you feel better.

Luckily- our nurses & doctors made us feel really okay with being there.

Four days, three nights and endless poking & prodding later,

Viola is back to normal

and we are thankful that God took care of that nasty infection.

We are closing up shop for 2013

on a high note,

and optimistic that this is the start

of a great year ahead.

Thanks again for, yet again, being there for our family

over the past year.

You've celebrated with us,

you've mourned with us,

you told us our baby was cute

even through her weird-alien newborn days,

and you've just been... so, so nice.

Lots of love for the year to come.

We look forward to sharing life with you again!

xo-

T, L & v.

Traveling with Babies- Here's What I Know.

I've been getting a lot of people asking me

for advice for traveling with kids.

First of all,

I feel the need to clarify:

traveling with a baby 

is an entirely different ballgame 

than traveling with a kid.

Kids seem easier than traveling with a baby

in a few ways

such as having their own seat,

carrying their own little animal-shaped suitcases,

and, generally, knowing to not poop themselves. 

Though the idea of going anywhere

(grocery store included)

with a toddler is completely terrifying.

None the less,

let me help offer what I know & have learned

traveling with Viola.

I'm not going to pretend to know all the answers,

but the kid did clock 8 countries by 8 months old…

If I'm not a professional,

I'm at least not intimidated by traveling with a baby.

*     *     *

First things first:

adjust your expectations.

Even traveling across the ocean,

I always think this phrase over & over 

during the day (and night) before we fly:

"Even if it's a completely awful day,

it's only one day

and then I'll be in (insert destination here)

and it will all be worth it."

I would exchange one crappy/miserable day

to spend a week pretty much anywhere, 

so that gets my eyes on the prize.

Second: Know your allies.

Airline employees = nice.

Fellow passengers = hate you.

I was pretty amazed at how sweet 

the airport staff & airlines treated us

and welcomed us on board.

They helped us board early,

snag empty seats,

and made our travel so much better.

I was equally amazed 

at how many mean looks

and snotty remarks we got

while traveling.

On our way home last month,

I walked to our row

and the man who was sitting by us

looked up, looked at me, and then snarled:

"Ugh, really?"

I gaped so loudly out of shock 

and then laughed in his face:

"Yup. Sorry dude."

Fortunately, all the people around us overhead

and went out of their way to compliment

what a sweet baby Viola was after her A+ performance,

but still.... wow.

Third: Manipulate the schedule.

I start planning the day before

how to make Viola's schedule line up

to need to feed as we take off.

I'm doing everything I can to make sure she is hungry

at the time our flight is scheduled to take off.

This not only helps her pressurize her ears

as we take off,

but it makes her sleep like a champ. 

If she starts trying to eat or sleep

in the gate, we play with her

and get her right near that edge of feeling crazy

so that she'll conk out once we start taxiing that runway.

Fourth: Get them to drink.

Babies can get crazy whenever they want on flights,

but they cry most often during the last thirty minutes of a flight

because the pilots start the descent

and their poor ears aren't able to pop.

They don't know all the tricks we grown ups know,

so you have to be the brain for them on this.

This can be a bit tricky, 

since it's a long period of time.

I'm not sure if this is fool proof, 

but it worked for me.

I think of the 20ish flights

we have been on, 

Viola has only cried once

and that was because it was such a short flight

and I couldn't time her feeds up for take off & landing.

Go ahead and nurse them

and then- once they are finished

and the world still looks a million miles away: 

pull out the secret weapon,

the bottle of goodness.

When Viola was really little,

I put a bit of sugar water in a bottle.

I would drop a bit in her mouth

every 30 seconds or so

and she would gulp it down and pop her ears.

As she got older, 

I've diluted juice with water and given her just little drinks

to help keep her curious until we touch down.

Sometimes I've used Smart Water, Apple Juice, whatever...

Heck, I'd even resort to Sprite, if I had to.

Anything to keep her from hurting.

The goal isn't for them to chug it down,

just something to intrigue them

into drinking a bit more

after they have already filled their bellies.

Fifth: Get to the airport two hours early.

Flights have bulk seating reserved

for the day-of travel.

The sooner you get there, the better options

the airlines can offer you 

for your seating.

Even if you don't get the bulkhead,

getting their early can help your family

make sure they are all seated together.

You can also hop to get an "infant block" seat, 

if there are a few unsold seats.

Five: Shop the unpopular flight times.

We try to skip peak travel times

in order to play the odds for a uncrowded flight.

Uncrowded flights means empty seats.

Empty seats mean that you + hubby

could score a row of three

and lay a baby down to sleep between you

while you do fancy things like read a magazine and drink coffee!

We look for midweek travel

at non-commuter travel times

like the early afternoon.

Six: Let the kid call the shots.

Airplanes are not the time to enforce schedules

and try to hem children into new things…

Don't fight the small stuff.

If they want to roll around and lick the tray table,

let them have at it.

Your baby wants to eat 365 puffs?

Great. What a time killer.

They want to squish the vomit bag into oblivion?

You go, Glen Coco.

Those things are not your battle today.

Your battle is getting to wherever you are going,

with your sanity in tact

and your baby happy.

The rest is, just… well, it's not important.

*    *    * 

Okay, those are my favorite tips.

Nothing mind-blowing,

but it works for us.

I hope that this can help you…

and please, if you have tricks that have 

made your travels easier with kids,

share them with us.

What are some things that have helped you

when you've traveled with kids?

*images original to Aspiring Kennedy

If I'm Being Honest...

I feel like I've been blogging a lot of random topics lately...

and that, perhaps, a "check-in" on a more personal level is due.

You know, just being honest with

where we are, what life is like, how we feel...

and other things that will, not only clue anyone interested in,

but will be good for me to write down for posterity sake

in the years to come.

So here they are... 

random blurbs & thoughts.

{Editor's Note: Buckle up.}

*  *  *

Yesterday, I got really sad when I realized that November 2nd

was the date that we had our 20 week sonogram

and found out we were having two girls.

I haven't been up for watching the video we made,

but it is pretty cute if you haven't. 

Why is it that anniversaries are so much harder than other days?

There's nothing particularly different about them,

but I guess they just remind us that life is moving on

and we are officially a bit further removed from that person.

It doesn't help that Viola is so cute, either.

The more we love her,

 the more we see what we lost.

In a flit of boredom last night,

I looked at our pictures from the hospital.

They start the night I was induced...

such light, carefree faces in the delivery room

where Tyler is juggling heart rate monitor bands

and then switch directly to the two of us 

sitting under the bright lights of the NICU holding our sweet babies

with puffy eyes and the emptiest looks on our faces.

8 months later, 

and I still feel just as caught off guard.

I had a dream just last night that I was pushing two little Violas in a stroller

and then I look down and one has disappeared

and, in the dream, I thought: 

Oh yeah, she was never actually here. 

I hate that part.

*  *  *

When I see other moms "mourn" their babies getting "so big" 

on social media, I have to remind myself not to get fussy.

Having your baby grow 

and do "big kid" things

is what every parent who has a child

that won't hit those milestones dreams of.

You'd be devastated if they didn't.

But behind my defensiveness and jaded perspective,
I have the luxury of knowing where they are coming from
by having a perfectly wonderful baby, too.

And so, I try to remind myself to savor Viola's smallness today,

because I know one day this baby won't be exist anymore...

she'll be a toddler/kid/teenager/adult

so my time with "Baby Viola" is fleeting.

And, safe to say, I'm not taking any time for granted.

I'm breathing in cute moments a little longer

while they are here and enjoying them for what they are...

The three of us cuddled up in bed on a rainy morning.

How Viola looks curled up in my arm with her nose squished 

on my curled up arm... which is probably connected to my iPhone. #shameful

Pushing the stroller through Portobello Road with her clutching on to my finger.

Her toothless little mouth.

*  *  *

Wow, Lauren, stick to blog posts on donuts & France...
this stuff is low.

I know, sorry.

So with all of this sad talk,
where does that leave us?

Wistfully mourning? Yes.

Hopeless? No.

Scared to death of "what else" could happen? Trying not to be.

Tyler & I would both say

that we are at the point 

where we've just nestled into

the bigness of God and his goodness.

We really do believe that, 

even if it's not right now,

and despite our aching sadness-

He is good.

Does it sound like crazy talk if I tell you

that I have felt God's love more this year

than ever before in my life?

It probably does,

because- in spite of my sadness, 

I am so thankful to Him.

I feel like I'm the character in a really great happy movie

in the low point where they hit their moment of crisis...

but the writer will obviously write for everything to come together 

and happiness be restored.

And until that happy ending arrives

and I find myself smugly walking off in the sunset holding Tyler's hand,

The end of Psalm 52 will be playing on a continuous loop in my mind....

"... I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God;

I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.

For what you have done I will always praise you

in the presence of your faithful people.

And I will hope in your name, for your name is good."

*  *  *

So there you have it...

a quick look into my crazy brain.

Kinda like walking through a spook house

with scary things at every corner, eh?

Perfect timing for Halloween.

Don't worry though,
 you'll make it out okay in the end.

(And, you know what? So will we.)

*image via

In Your Dreams, Baby Mama.

My good friend Beth Dotolo

is kind of famous.

At least,

you won't be able 

to convince me otherwise.

You've probably heard of her 

super cool totally unique design company,

PULP Design Studios.

{If not, now you have!}

She designed our little nursery

which you may have seen

on the Apartment Therapy tour

of our tiny flat from earlier this year.

{If not, now you have!}

You've probably already seen

that they are currently doing a giveaway

for a gorgeous nursery

worth $6000

together with Tottini.

{If not, now you have!}

The giveaway is open to US residents

and you can sign up

for your chance to win!

So what do you think?

Have you put your name in the hat to win?

{If not, now you should!!}

*    *   *

*photography by Kevin Dotolo

Style Me (Mini): Little Picks with Big Appeal.

While I was pregnant with two girls,
I only ever bought one of anything.

For some reason, 
the idea of matching wasn't my thing.

I went more for "coordinated."

With everything that happened,
it ended up that Viola has a ton of clothes...
and, fortunately, we didn't have a ton of duplicates
to have to cry over deal with.

I like to think 
that Viola is honoring her sissy 
by wearing them well.

Tyler & I always say
that we honestly don't know
if our hearts could have taken
looking at double this cuteness everyday.

Can you even imagine?

I do all the time...

________

And now to downshift from the emotional to the everyday

so quickly you may get whiplash

- because that's what grieving actually feels like-

here are some awesome baby clothes.

Like, really really awesome things

that I would love to scoop up for Viola

to wear this fall.

I can just tell that autumn & a spring in Paris

are going to look good on her.

Hopefully, her mom remembers to keep it fresh, too.