Happy/Sad Mother's Day.



Mother's Day is this weekend. 

I can't believe how much has changed in a year.


This time last year, 

we were just two kids 

having fun living between Paris & London.

And then, I got pregnant.




{This was the video I took to record the moment- live from the bathroom of a Chinese massage parlor- ha!}


We began to dream of new our life with the three of us.

Until we found out it would actually be the four of us.

Our hearts swelled with anticipation

of the two sweet girls headed our way.


We felt like we had won the lottery.


For those nine months, we both glowed.




Dreams of walking the streets of London

each holding a little girl

amused our every thought.

We'd see little girls plodding along the sidewalk

and give each other side glances and smiles.

Life was never so sweet.





And then everything changed.


Tyler became a father.

I became a mother.


But life looked different than we thought it would.


Our world has changed from so much.


Even thought we feel so much joy,
we aren't those careless kids anymore.


In the course of a year,

we've gone from having zero kids 

to two girls 
to one.

Even though it hurt

-both emotionally & physically, I might add-

I'd do it all again.

In a heartbeat.


It was worth it all

to become a mother to both of my beautiful girls

even if it was for so much shorter than we wanted.


And while our dreams 
of holding both of our sweet daughters
throughout life's adventures are now gone,

I'm so thankful for those months I was lucky enough to carry them both.





Happy Mother's Day 
to all of us...

Those of us who raise babies.

Those of us who once raised babies.

Those of us who still wait for their turn to hold their baby.

And those of us who will always miss our babies.



xoxo-

Lots of love from my {aching/joyful} heart to yours.




*PS Me & Blogger are in a fight over this wonky formatting. 


58 comments:

  1. I love how you have handled this whole thing and the words you use to describe your love for both of your daughters are truly beautiful. Happy Mother's Day!

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  2. I have a friend who lost a daughter. When people ask her how many children she has, she always includes her little daughter in that number. Because it's true- she did and still has her daughter. She'll always be her daughter no matter what.

    Happy Mother's Day to you. Loss matures us much quicker than ever imagined.

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  3. I think you two are great. You're passing through a very difficult period together and you talk about this overtly.
    God bless you!
    And of course, happy mother's day!!

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  4. Lauren, you just amaze and inspire me. You and Tyler both. This is a beautiful post and though I don't have children of my own yet, it touched my heart so deeply. Happy mother's day to you, friend! You are a stunningly beautiful mother with surreal grace and profound strength. It's been said so much, but it bear repeating forever more: Viola is one blessed baby girl.

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  5. Happy Mother's Day Lauren - your grace in your reflections always amaze me. Sending love your way.

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  6. Such a lovely post, Happy Mother's Day beautiful.

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  7. happy mother's day to you, sweet lauren. this was so touching.

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  8. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

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  9. Happy Mother's Day and you know you technically can have two mother's days every year since Viola was born in the UK. ;) My mum gets Mothering Sunday from me and Mothers Day from my sister.

    Bonnie Rose | A Compass Rose

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  10. Beautiful post. Definitely a bittersweet holiday for you.

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  11. So beautiful, Lauren. Happy Mother's Day to you!

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  12. Happy Mother's Day from the depths of my heart.
    xo

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  13. Happy Mother's Day to you, Lauren! Your outlook on life never ceases to amaze me! I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers! :)

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  14. Happy Mother's Day. You are amazing!!!!

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  15. You have this way to make me laugh and tear up all in one post. That china-town video was the greatest!!! I wish I had a video of the moment we found out we were pregnant. And then the end of the post...gosh, you just have the most gracious spirit Lauren. I've never met someone who has so much gratitude during a time of grieving...proof to me that the Holy Spirit is just guiding you all and carrying you all during this time. Happy First Mother's day to you!!!

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  16. Happy Mother's Day, Lauren! That video is so cute! I love the way that you had to whisper, given the location where it was filmed - too funny! The way you've handled all of this has been an inspiration, and I will continue to pray for you and Tyler. I hope that you have a wonderful day with your sweet Viola tomorrow, and lots of lovin' from your family!

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  17. Happy Mother's Day! Thinking of you and your two little girls :)

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  18. Aww..Such a sweet, sweet post. Happy Mother's day to you!

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  19. May we all have the strength to endure life's obstacles with as much grace as you, Lauren. You're incredible. Happy Mother's Day!

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  20. Happy first Mother's Day, Lauren. You've already shown that you have incredible grace, depth and humor. I hope Tyler spoils you rotten tomorrow!!!

    Much love!
    Elizabeth

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  21. this is beautiful - hope you have a wonderful first mothers day with your family.
    http://itsthelittlethingsblog.blogspot.com

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  22. You are brilliant. That's about all I can say, really (articulate, eh?!) xx

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  23. I wish you many blessing and and joyful moments with your family this weekend! Thoughts and prayers to you!

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  24. I've never commented on your blog before, but I have been following your story for the past year. I just wanted to say how much I admire your honesty and beauty throughout your tragedy. Thank you.

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  25. Beautiful. Sweet, sweet post. Cuddle baby V tomorrow but let yourself cry if you need to. Glad you'll be surrounded by family.

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  26. This is so beautiful. Your love for both girls just overflows every time you mention them.

    Happy Mothers' Day, US-style!

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  27. Happy Mother's Day! This post has me teary-eyed. Enjoy your happy/sad day with sweet V!

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  28. Love you, sister. That is all.

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  29. happy mother's day, you lovely strong wise woman. your daughters are so blessed with you - both of them, no matter who is here or elsewhere.

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  30. happy first Mother's Day, Lauren! Such a great and bittersweet day for you and Tyler. Not only did your post nearly make me cry, but I laughed when I watched the video - what a great thing to have for the future!

    PS - hope Viola lets you sleep in later than the super early times it seems my instagram has been saying you've been having!

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  31. Happy first Mother's Day Lauren. I've just caught up on all you and Tyler have been through, and my heart and prayers go out to you both. Your little girl is very blessed to have such loving, caring, and strong parents.
    Wishing you a well deserved, wonderful, and sweet day tomorrow...♥♥
    xo J~

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  32. Happy Mother's Day to an amazing woman.

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  33. You might appreciate this video. I cried when I watched the CBS Sunday Morning News this morning.
    http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50146603n

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  34. We all love you - and we thought of you today! Happy First Mother's Day, and know that we will continue to think of you three and pray thanksgivings for you and V being here and with T. So much can change so quickly!

    XO

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  35. Was thinking about you this morning! This was beautifully written. Lots of prayers coming your way- for peace, renewed joy and lots of laughs with your little girl today (who, might I add, is one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen!) :)) xoxo

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  36. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day Lauren - cuddling your precious V and knowing your little angel was watching down on you, being cuddled by Jesus x

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  37. happy Mother's day gorgeous momma! I thought a lot about you yesterday! Love you and miss you xxx

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  38. you are the cutest.
    happy mothers day!

    xo the egg out west.

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  39. Beautifully said. I hope you had a joyful Mothers Day! Blessings!

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  40. hope you had a great day

    and this made me cry.

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  41. Beautiful. Absolutely beautifully written. Happy Mother's Day (a day late)!!!

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  42. Happy Mother's Day lovely girl. What a sweet post and I truly believe little baby b is looking down on your and her beautiful sister. Lots of love xxx

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  43. Happy (belated) Mother's Day. Love ya & was thinking about you yesterday.

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  44. You are the cutest! Happy (belated) Mother's Day to you!

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  45. I'm new here, thanks to Bridget's darling Mother's Day posts. Congrats on having one beautiful and healthy baby girl and know that my heart aches for you over the loss of her twin. I look forward to following your journey with your sweet girl.

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  46. #gulp

    I hope it was the loveliest of all days for you guys!!!

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  47. That video - it's just so typically you (in terms of - the most charming, adorable, yet spontaneous/random moments)... your journey has been full of sorrow and full of joy, and I've ached and been happy for you all along. You are such an inspiration. Stay beautiful mama! That Viola is one lucky, lucky chick!

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  48. That video is fantastic.

    Beautiful post though!

    xo
    www.carlyonqueue.com

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  49. SO I just recently got back to your blog. I had it saved at work and when I didn't go back after my 2nd born I lost touch with you. I stumbled upon it recently through another blog I read. I thought as I saw it, "oh, there's aspiring Kennedy" Little did I know all that you had and Tyler had been through this past year. I had no idea you were even pregnant. I cried with you as I caught up. There are no words other than your daughter is a beautiful blessing and may you find with time peace and comfort to help ease the pain of your loss. Happy Mother's Day, I know your an amazing one. Best, Rhonda
    www.ramseyliving.blogspot.com

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  50. Many blessings to you and yours this mothers day. Your warmth and sincerity are so touching and a poignant reminder to be thankful for all the mothers and babies in our lives.

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  51. Happy first mother's day. this is a beautiful post. the video is amazing and you are such an inspiration.

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  52. Happy Mother's Day, Lauren. You are so beautiful, inside and out!

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  53. Love this Mother's day post. My mommy experience had a rocky start with lots of twists and heartache too. Somehow it makes this day all the more meaningful.

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  54. This post really, really touched my heart. Wow. I've never been to your blog before but now after reading this, I just want to get to know you more. What a strong woman you must be. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey with the world :)

    Xo,
    Brighton from brightontheday.com

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